Fuck You a River

The Asshole hasn’t slept for days. I think he has a gun.

“Can we at least have some fucking booze now Asshole?”

Asshole Producer: “Fuck you… a RIVER! But, you ain’t gettin’ none o’ my blow” – grinds his teeth & actually waves a gun.

I knew Bibendum was thinking what I was thinking before we both screamed it…


Can we take the Bentley?

[the waiting for booze interlude]

Saturday ‘H’

Boner Studio

Asshole Producer: “Excuse me. You can’t see it from behind the console but, I’ve got a huge ‘Chubby‘ right now”

I give Bibendum a quick ‘The Fuck?!?‘ look

Asshole Producer: “When I get a total ‘Rager‘ we’ll know we can stop. Now JAM YOU FUCKING LITTLE MONKEY!!!”

“Jesus Bibes, how much Coke’s the Asshole been doing lately?”

Bibendum: “You don’t want to know”

Thursday ‘H’

Mobile May

So, next month – I’ll be posting at will. Not saying I’m taking the month off – I’m just saying fuck doing Wednesdays all the time and there are some damn good reasons for that. I’m long overdue on a summer song & I know it’s complete bullshit. I want you to think ‘Wow! this guy can really play!’. Don’t laugh but, it’s the only scripted thing I have. I know It’s completely misleading but, I just want to prove that in my own weird way – yeah, I could do that. Hell, maybe even a little better sometimes.

Panama ‘H’

Playing Like Shit         

Okay so now I’m totally FOCUSED on MY problems*. Sorry if this is a little gross, or cringe but I’m missing the tip of my index finger. Childhood injury – they stitched me up on the spot while my dad held me. The kind of deformity that really wouldn’t hold you back in life. Unless of course you wanted to be a hand model or guitar player. Basically, my ‘Trigger Finger’ is straight bone and it hurts me to play ‘classically’. Pain isn’t really the problem though.

Why do I feel like I’m always setting expectations lately?

So no, I’m not being weird. I don’t have Authority Defiance Disorder**. I can be slightly self-aware. My problem is that tonally lately, I sound pretty ‘hero-y’ and I know that’s not who I am. So “Wow! That guy can play!” is what I want you to believe. Because in reality, if I really could, I’d probably be two states away tonight – playing some joint, just for the gas money and pussy.

“Being cool kills” – ‘H’

* Everything $ is going through the roof – it’s probably not just MY problem?

** Trapping somebody with it takes years