It was a Friday night. The store closed at 10 & it’s 9:45. So, I’m coming out of the store w/ some delicious ice cold beer & a Cop walks up to me briskly and says “Mind if I ask you a couple questions?” and I’m like “Sure!” – Mind you, I was a little buzzed – Then a flashlight hits me in the face. ”Where’s your Mailbox?”. Not the sort of question I was expecting but, okay “It’s in a lobby, (I stutter & look away) It’s a lobby, lobby mailbox”. Kind of questioning it, kind of scared. “We just got a report that someone knocked over a neighbor’s mailbox and urinated on it”. Ummm, okay, I didn’t see that one coming. “And You. Match. The Description”.
The second Cop car pulls up fast. Now, I’m having a SURREAL moment here. ‘Wow, that escalated QUICKLY!’. Then, two things happen simultaneously. I start talking & the second Cop, He starts walking. But, he does the COOLEST MOVE. Arms down, right palm parallel to the ground. Just like: Be. Cool… Be Cool. And I’m trying, “I live at ***, you can see it from here, I have ID, I just came here for beer & am going straight home”.
And that was that. The second Cop started talking to the first Cop & I walked away gratefully. “Sorry I couldn’t be the guy”.
Now, why do I have such an issue with this?
- I’m Paranoid
- I’m White
- I’m Narcissistic
- I’m Delusional
- I’m Healthy & Insightful
- I’m Sick & Twisted
- I’m Vindictive